Oct 21, 2026 · 27 min
Complaining works best when it has a purpose
Why we complain and how to do it better, with Robin Kowalski, PhD
Complaints can relieve emotion or create change, but the difference affects mental health, relationships, and the people who receive them.
- 1Effective complaints target a specific outcome, account for the audience, and avoid exhausting everyone involved.
- 2Brief venting may help, but practical redirection, mindfulness, and journaling can curb repetitive negativity.
- 3Social media gives complaints larger, longer-lasting audiences, making negative feedback especially influential for companies.
Don't miss
Kowalski’s distinction between brief cathartic venting and complaints aimed at a specific outcome clarifies when complaining helps or harms.
The brief
Robin Kowalski distinguishes cathartic complaints, which express emotion, from instrumental complaints, which aim to produce a specific result.
Effective complaining depends on moderation, strategy, and audience awareness; venting can briefly help, but repeated negativity may burden relationships and emotional well-being.
Kowalski explains why people judge their own complaints more generously than others’ and considers the emotional burden complaints place on customer-service workers.
When someone complains, a constructive response may allow brief catharsis before redirecting the conversation toward practical action.
Social media expands complaints’ audience, permanence, and anonymity, while mindfulness and journaling offer ways to reduce excessive negativity and notice positive experiences.
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