What podcasts say about Mercedes Coffman
Every statement, with the speaker, the exact quote and the moment it was said.
What Mercedes Coffman has said on podcasts
36 statements · 8 positive · 27 negative · 1 neutral
Avoidant culture pressures emotionally available people to minimize themselves.
“avoidance culture is making people have to minimize themselves”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 0:09
Emotionally available daters lower standards to preserve relationships.
“they're lowering their standards in order to keep a relationship”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 0:49
Most dating apps reward avoidant behavior.
“most of the dating apps, they're designed for that. They're designed for rewarding avoidance”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 1:38
Emotionally unavailable relationships can increase cortisol and nervous-system stress.
“your nervous system now is spiking in cortisol, which is your stress hormones”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 3:07
Avoidant relationships can contribute to fatigue, mood, sleep, and appetite problems.
“this changes people because they are experiencing fatigue, mood disorders, sleep disturbances, appetite disorders”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 3:12
Dating apps work better for emotionally unavailable than emotionally available people.
“the people who are emotionally unavailable have a much better time on dating apps than the emotionally available people”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 3:46
More dating-app options reduce users’ investment in individual matches.
“the more options we have, the less invested we are in those options”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 4:15
Ghosting can harm the nervous system of emotionally available daters.
“ghosting starts to occur, which is detrimental to the nervous system”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 5:06
Chronic loneliness is as unhealthy for the nervous system as unhealthy dating situations.
“chronic loneliness is just as unhealthy for the nervous system as dating or being in situationships”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 8:06
Daters should evaluate observed patterns rather than imagined potential.
“watch for patterns instead of potential”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 9:07
Dating-app profiles generally do not assess emotional availability or relationship maturity.
“It doesn't assess for any of those things”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 11:30
A person lacking relationship time cannot be aligned with an emotionally available partner.
“if they do not have time for a relationship, it doesn't matter. You will not be aligned with that person”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 12:30
Early physical access increases the likelihood of addictive attachment.
“Because the moment you give someone especially physical access, you are much more likely to get into that dopamine fix”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 20:38
Desire exceeding effort indicates biochemical attachment rather than clear judgment.
“when the desire outpaces the effort is when you should know that you're now in a biochemical cycle and not in a mental cycle”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 21:59
A genuinely interested man provides clarity even when busy.
“a man who's genuinely interested in you will give you clarity on his busiest days”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 23:35
Excessive work demands can prevent someone from meeting a partner’s relationship needs.
“when there's no work life balance and their work takes up all of their time, they just don't have the capacity to meet your needs”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 25:11
Understanding another person’s limitations does not require abandoning one’s own needs.
“I could be understanding of people's limitations and still know what I need and still advocate for what I need”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 26:04
Physical attractiveness does not indicate that someone will treat a partner well.
“this person is incredibly handsome, but they're gonna break my heart”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 30:44
In many relationships, desire exceeds emotional capacity and maturity.
“desire in most relationship now outpaces capacity and emotional maturity”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 40:36
Ghosting is more normalized now than in the past.
“ghosting has become more normalized than it's ever been before”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 43:34
Avoiding dating discomfort prevents people from developing emotional capacity and maturity.
“they never grow their emotional capacity or their emotional maturity”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 45:06
People can build emotional capacity by remaining present during uncomfortable conversations.
“sitting through uncomfortable conversations”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 45:15
Unresolved trauma can create beliefs that intimacy and connection are unsafe.
“whenever there's unresolved trauma, the narrative that is created from that is I can't trust intimacy. I can't trust connection”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 46:34
Strong reactivity during increasing intimacy may indicate unresolved childhood trauma.
“when relationships become increasingly more intimate and they get reactive in those relationships, it's usually unresolved trauma from childhood relationships”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 48:08
How others treat someone partly reflects what that person permits or tolerates.
“How a person treats me is a reflection or it's a reflection of what I allow, what I tolerate”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 49:50
Internal misalignment makes aligned relationships less likely.
“how can we expect ourselves to get in aligned connections when we're misaligned within ourselves?”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 54:37
People should seek excitement outside a stable romantic relationship.
“If your relationship is stable but not intense or exciting enough, have an exciting career, go bungee jumping, do exciting hobbies and activities, have friendships that are exciting”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 1:05:14
Early dating obsession indicates nervous-system uncertainty rather than established compatibility.
“if you're feeling obsessed in early dating, meaning you can't stop thinking about this person, you're having intrusive thoughts about this person. You're constantly waiting for their messages and rereading mess. That's your nervous system saying something is uncertain”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 1:08:02
Anxiety-inducing romantic “butterflies” may signal an unhealthy partner.
“He activates your nervous system. He's not good for you.”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 1:09:03
Awareness can help people break harmful generational relationship patterns.
“awareness is how we break generational patterns”
Open the episode · Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, & Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092Listen at 1:10:59
Statements are attributed to the speaker as said on the episode and reflect their view at the time, not PodLume's. They are not advice.