Nov 12, 2026 · 1h 26m
Negotiation skill grows through small, deliberate practice
1413: Attia Qureshi | Master Big Negotiations by Practicing Small Ones
The episode reframes negotiation as a trainable performance skill, showing how everyday requests can prepare people for consequential decisions about work, safety, and cooperation.
- 1Small, low-stakes requests build the confidence and muscle memory needed for difficult negotiations.
- 2Understanding the other side’s interests can turn apparent conflicts into agreements that serve both parties.
- 3Ethical influence requires reciprocity without manipulation, plus a willingness to recognize when someone only takes.
Don't miss
Qureshi recounts receiving a terrorist warning in Colombia, arranging her own early departure after her handler refused to help, and later learning the threat became real violence.
The brief
Attia Qureshi argues that negotiation resembles athletics or music: knowing the theory is not enough, because confidence and timing emerge through repeated practice.
A hostile neighbor, a glass of lemonade, and years of small gestures show how relationship-building can make a difficult property easement request possible without manipulation.
In Colombia, Qureshi describes confronting a cartel-linked cooperative leader and helping farmers identify shared interests despite intimidation, distraction, and real danger.
The practical method is graduated practice: make tiny requests, tolerate rejection, test assumptions about what others want, and use two acceptable offers to reveal priorities.
The episode’s sharpest warning is that expertise can fail under pressure; a terrorist threat in Colombia pushed Qureshi toward a conquer mentality she later reconsidered.
The broader takeaway is simple but demanding: practice small asks before a high-stakes conversation, when mistakes are manageable and alternatives remain available.
Books & mentions
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